Grand Ole Party

Yesterday's Southern Republican Leadership Conference meeting in Memphis was no doubt an important event to the political persons present; to the rest of us, it was rather opaque. Working off the WaPo analysis by Dan Balz, yesterday's Drudge Report flash, and Adam Nagourney's NYTimes 'story', which bears only a vague resemblance to the facts.

It emerges that the media has as many problems as the candidates. To wit:

• Dear Global Shrink, I want to be president. This has been a very important goal to me for a long time, but a lot of people keep getting in my way. How could they override me on the Teri Schiavo thing? I'M A DOCTOR! And I'm the REPUBLICAN LEADER, and people need to understand that. How can I become president?
  - Frustrated in Tennessee
  
  Dear 'Frist'-rated,
  You're not going to be president. When a crowd with a majority of Tennesseans only casts 39% of its votes in your favor, you should take the hint. Call Al Gore; he feels your pain.
  
  
• Dear Global Shrink
  I just wanted to point out that there are some crazy people in Memphis to whom you should write. Ten percent of the delegates voted for President Bush. I know it was just a ploy by Senator McCain to muddy the waters, but didn't all those people gather there precisely to lead a Republican revolt against Bush? I mean, like I wrote in the Times, "Republicans gathered here this weekend acutely concerned with the elections ahead and distressed by the White House's performance since President Bush's re-election" (lead graf) and "in a hint of one way that this next generation of Republican presidential contenders is likely to diverge from the president, Mitt Romney, the governor of Massachusetts, went from heralding Mr. Bush's record on terrorism to embracing conservative concern about the growth of the size of government in his tenure." Doesn't that prove that even Republicans now realize that Bush is a cancer?
  - Brilliant in NYC
  
  Dear Brilliant,
  When Mitt Romney praises Bush on terrorism, but criticizes Washington Republicans on spending, isn't he embracing Bush and distancing himself from DeLay and Frist? Bush is only a master of evil inside your head. Believe it or not, most of the candidates wanted this to be about them, not him. And with McCain openly embracing the president's policies, it shows that the party base is more than ever behind Bush. You have no idea what two good SCOTUS appointees can do to mollify an edgy base. My advice is that you should quit the Times and start a blog; you'll find lots more crazy people, and you'll fit right in.
  
  
• Dear Global Shrink,
  I want to be president. Every poll shows that I would make a more popular president than Bush or Hillary, and every smart person in the country knows I would make a better president than either - just ask Dan Balz! Why do Southernors hate me? Even when I said nice things about Mr. Bush?
  - Hurt in Arizona
  
  Dear Hurt,
  I see what you mean. You really are held back by the two-party nominating system. Do you dare run as an independent and risk enshrining Hillary? It was a good idea to derail the straw-poll voting, but maybe unnecessary - Frist is the least of your worries. Do you realize that Mitt Romney has every quality that people like you for (except the war hero thing, but look what that did for Kerry and Cleland), plus he's young and socially conservative. "Electability" didn't figure too prominently into Democratic voters' minds in 2004, and it won't save you from yourself in '08. Sorry, pal.
  
  
• Dear Global Shrink, How can you say that?? John is my hero! I know he came in fifth in the straw poll and is treated like a senior citizen by most of the party, but he's still going to be our forty-fourth president, right? Every other prospective 2008 presidential candidate must figure out how to get around him - that was my lead graf in the Post. He's a force, he's a great man, you can't ignore him. He's my hero.
  - In Love in Washington
  
  Dear In Love, Don't ever let the facts hold you back. Just because McCain had to scramble to upset a vote that was going to embarrass him by pushing people to vote for an unconstitutional third term for President Bush, just because Mitt Romney matched Bush plus McCain, just because McCain hasn't built any new appeal since 2000, when he was overmatched by a poor-spoken, inexperienced Texan, just because he's already conceded Iowa and has no chance in New Hampshire... aww, forget it: love is blind.

Our view: Romney takes 14% in a poll dominated by Tennesseans, and takes a smart tack by embracing the President on foreign policy and leadership while distancing himself from the profligacy of Hill Republicans. What's not to like?