Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Lord of the Bling

My housemates and I last night decided that when we find a willing director, we're going to produce an interpretation of the Lord of the Rings epic that would be more, well, accessible to "urban" American moviegoers.

Preliminary casting for Lord of the Bling:
Frodo Baggins...Chris Rock
Gandalf the Gray (later Black)...Morgan Freeman
Samwise Gamgee...Cedric the Entertainer
Aragorn...Jamie Foxx
Tom Bombodil...Bill Cosby
Arwen...Jennifer Hudson
Eowen...Halle Barry
Galadriel...Oprah Winfrey
Theoden King...James Earl Jones
King of the Undead...Tupac Shakur
Saruman the White...Anthony Hopkins
Uruk-hai leader...Vin Diesel
Gimli...Eddie Murphy
Elrond...Denzel Washington
Sauron's voice...Robert Duvall
Denethor...Jesse Jackson
Boromir...Samuel L. Jackson
Faramir...Cuba Gooding, Jr.
Gollum...Dave Chappelle
Apologies to all our black, white, elvish, dwarf and hobbit readers for the shameless stereotyping. And if anyone can photoshop one of these actors into his role, please do!

Other casting nominations?

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

i've typed multiple comments since this was written only to delete them all since I'm not sure I actually want to associate myself with them.

ali baba

Karen said...

This list is wrong on so many levels.

Anonymous said...

OK... after googling "is vin deisel black?" The best I could come up with is that Vin Diesel has never actually said what his ethnic background is aside from it being "complicated." (multiple websites have speculated he has done this to be able to take on more diverse roles. According to one website he has been casted as Latino, Jewish, Black and White). Therefore I challenge his inclustion on the list pending a new version of Dave Chappelle's racial draft (which my funniest Chappelle skit). Moreover, Samuel L Jackson should be the Uruk Hai leader because it would give him much better opportunity to scream his signature line. "The Mutha F@#!in Halflings are property of Mutha F*&%in Saruman!" before lopping of someother orcs head. It really works much better that way.

BTW Dave Chappelle is perfect for Gollum.

ali bab

PS. I now know way more about Vin Diesel than anyone should know.

Macro Guy said...

Vin Diesel is supposed to be white (or dubiously black at best) for my purposes. Note that Robert Duvall and Anthony Hopkins aren't exactly African either... and note what roles they're cast in :-)